In God We Trust

Do you see that word above?

The one in big Scrabble tiles?

That's what I need right now.

I need to trust.

I was just notified that I have been terminated

from my position in the ER due to my health.

This sucks....big time.

Nursing is the only thing that I have ever wanted to do

since I was a child.

I believe it is my calling.

So, to not only lose my position

but not know if I can work in my position again really hurts.

I believe that God has a bigger plan for me

but I need to trust him.

I am very scared and extremely hurt.

I've worked my whole life in nursing.

So now what do I do?

Mr. M tells me to stop crying because it will be okay.

I don't know how to stop.

I'm mad.

I don't want to be sick anymore.

I want my life back.

I can't even read what I'm typing for the tears and snot running down my face.

I'm just that hurt.

I know that as a Christian, I'm supposed to have an accepting spirit.

Please forgive me if I don't have one right now....

I'm still human..

I'm still a young woman...

I still have a husband and children

who I can no longer care for.

I still want to laugh and run and play

and provide for my family.

I don't want to be stared at anymore

or hear whispers when I limp by.

I want to be able to go  and spend timewith my friends and family

instead of laying on my couch because I'm too weak.

I want to see my daughter sing at school

and not just hear her through the phone

because I am in so much pain.

I want to care for people

and not be cared for.

But I have to trust HIM.

I know that  God has a plan for me

and I need to trust that His will is the best.

I'm sorry for this bummy post.

I just needed to vent.