Tuesday, February 9, 2010

In God We Trust

Do you see that word above?

The one in big Scrabble tiles?

That's what I need right now.
I need to trust.

I was just notified that I have been terminated
from my position in the ER due to my health.
This sucks....big time.
Nursing is the only thing that I have ever wanted to do
since I was a child.
I believe it is my calling.
So, to not only lose my position
but not know if I can work in my position again really hurts.

I believe that God has a bigger plan for me
but I need to trust him.
I am very scared and extremely hurt.
I've worked my whole life in nursing.
So now what do I do?

Mr. M tells me to stop crying because it will be okay.
I don't know how to stop.
I'm mad.
I don't want to be sick anymore.
I want my life back.

I can't even read what I'm typing for the tears and snot running down my face.
I'm just that hurt.

I know that as a Christian, I'm supposed to have an accepting spirit.
Please forgive me if I don't have one right now....

I'm still human..
I'm still a young woman...

I still have a husband and children
who I can no longer care for.
I still want to laugh and run and play
and provide for my family.

I don't want to be stared at anymore
or hear whispers when I limp by.
I want to be able to go  and spend timewith my friends and family
instead of laying on my couch because I'm too weak.

I want to see my daughter sing at school
and not just hear her through the phone
because I am in so much pain.

I want to care for people
and not be cared for.

But I have to trust HIM.
I know that  God has a plan for me
and I need to trust that His will is the best.

I'm sorry for this bummy post.
I just needed to vent.


  1. Oh I am so sorry, I know that it doesn't help, but know that this girl in TN is sending a prayer up for you right now.


  2. Oh my dear, I'm so sorry. But you trust and you are honest. It's so good to read the truth from you, not some false smiley response. I don't know you well but from now on I'll be praying for you.

  3. Oh hunny bunny you are so full of life, surrounded by loving and caring people, now is the time to count your Blessings and you will surely see they outweigh the other stuff.

    Praying for you.

  4. Oh Honey, Here comes a big 'ole Georgia Hug! To say that it "isn't fair" isn't strong enough to express how I feel. I will be praying for you to feel better, physically, mentally and spiritually. Blogging is about doing exactly what you did, sharing what is in your heart! Love to you, prayers and hugs!

  5. I promise it will end up being the best thing that ever happened to you. You will see it when you look back in a few years. Perhaps you can continue nursing, just not ER. Nurses are always in demand. Take a moment, deal with your grief, and use this as an opportunity to re-examine your goals. I know it's hard to see the forest for the trees right now, but I promise it will be good on the other side.

  6. Oh, I'm so sorry. This must be such a hard time for you, but IT WILL get better, and you will see this for the opportunity it is - maybe you could find a teaching role, and shape the next round of nurses coming through? That would be helping hundreds of people by providing better care, yes?

  7. Wow...talk about kicking you while you are down, huh? I am really, truly sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my prayers...I know you will get through this, but that is tough. Be sure to keep your head held high!

  8. I don't have any profound words for you except that I am so sorry. Please know that I am praying for you. Theresa

  9. Well my dearest Angelique - you are in my prayers. But I to believe that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps this will be your shining shimmery moment when you look back on it, but in the mean time, I'm so sorry that you are hurting now. I'm sending you HUGE hugs and HUGE buckets of love.

    Love you,

  10. My heart is aching for you right now. I know that everything seems so terrible in your life right now but I truly believe that it will be better soon.
    I will pray for you and I believe too, that God has better plans for you.


  11. First of all, there is no need to apologize for anything~ yes God always has a plan even though we may not be able to see it at the moment, but that doesn't mean that you are supposed to turn the human emotions off ~ CAN'T BE DONE!!! Now, this is a time for you to be taken care of and you may not like it but it is what you need & you need to lean on the people around you...you'll figure it out, I Promise you that!!! I am praying for you & know that we are all here any time you need to vent!!!!!! God Bless & Great Big hugs coming ot you from Massachusetts!!!!! :)

  12. Sending big {{{HUGS}}} your way. I will be praying for you.

  13. Vent away! No doubt about it, that stinks big time! I'm very sorry you're having to go through this. I have no idea what God has planned for you, but I'm praying it will be every bit as good as this is bad. No, even better than that! Hang in there!

  14. Oh Darlin'. I'm so sorry for all you have to go through. It does suck that this has just been added to all you deal with already. It's good to vent, scream, cry and in general have a big ol' pity party.

    I'm thinking of you and will be praying right along with you tonight. May God give you strength and peace.


  15. I am praying for you! I'm thinking back to the post---"it's not cancer!" and what joy that was. You will feel His hand again. Please know prayers are coming from Nebraska!

  16. Praying for you... sending hugs & smiles... Hope to cheer your heart in knowing so many care and wish the best for what God has planned through all of this~

  17. That stinks. It really does.
    But you sure are right when you say that God has a bigger plan for you. You also say that nursing is your calling, and I believe this. But I also believe that sometimes God gives us more than one calling, too.

    You are such an inspired and creative person, I feel certain that God has also called you to more fully express and explore your creative side. Whether it's via your art, or expanding into doing shows or opening a shop, I really think (and hope) you're meant to do something wonderful in this area.

    Nursing isn't just about the physical aspect, someone as smart as you will always be in demand, say as an instructor or perhaps doing telemetry duty. Maybe not at your current hospital, but somewhere, I feel certain.

    I'm here if you need to talk. As always, I'm praying for you, too!


  18. Girl, you know I hate what you are going through. The pain, frustration, etc...but, indeed, I'm gonna stand right by you and trust. Hugs from Poetry. ~Mindy

  19. Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. I saw your post on my blog and came over to grab your button-trying to add everyone (all 670--that'll be a long list) and read your post. I will be praying for you. I was also coming by to check in and see how you were doing. It takes me awhile to get by all of my followers now but I do think about you guys, even if I can't come by.


  20. 2 things--I forgot

    I have a give-a-way going on

    You need a funny-- go to my blog and look up the post in Jan titled "what happens when you combine a 3 year old and a pair of scissors" after that the next days post is: "The Mullet saga continues" and then the next day is "We have another 1st Winner". I promise I have not laughed that hard in a long time.


  21. I just have to ask...can they do that? I mean, is it legal? Something about being terminated for this reason just seems throwed off.
    There is a bigger plan...trust me and trust God. While my tale isn't the same as yours...it is similar. I was a rural mail carrier for 18 years until I dislocated my knee. My option was to go back to clerking at night in the downtown Dallas office. I opted to resign, but I was scared to death. That was in '97 and in that time, so many things have happened in my life that I can't begin to list them all. Had I still been carrying mail, I wouldn't have been able to do any of them. Has it been easy? No, but it has opened my world.
    Please don't measure yourself by what you do, but by who you are. You are a beautiful woman with a loving family and they are there to take care of you...let them. Don't cheat them out of the blessing of being able to do for you as you have done for them. Try and do the same with God. Let Him have the reins and trust Him to bring you through this ring of fire...He will. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers while sending you all my love.

  22. I am so sorry to hear this. I just want you to know that I think of you and pray for you everyday. God WILL see you through this. Yes, it's hard right now to understand it all, "but lean not onto your own understanding and in all your ways seek Him and He will direct your path". I agree with Anne and Debbie...God has a plan for you and it may be something totally unrelated to nursing or maybe just in a different area of nursing.

    I am sending you all my love and big hugs.


  23. I am thinking of you my sweet friend. I do agree with Talking Trash...is this legal? I would have a consult with an attorney to see if they can truly do this to you.

    Sending you much love,

  24. Well I do not know you and this is my first visit to your blog.....I was sad to read this recent news of yours. God may have the plan, but only you can make it happen.....perhaps you can teach or tutor, someone in the medical field. Some times we are such creatures of habit we think that is all we know and love, until we open our minds and our hearts to other things that could be even better than you thought!!~ That is my words of wisdom for the day for the moment:) I do wish you the best....perhaps soon we will be congratulating you on your next journey!!~

  25. God doesn't take anything away that He doesn't replace it with something better....get excited about just what that BETTER is gonna be! hard to imagine, huh? but it's gonna tap you on the shoulder and you will be amazed!

  26. Just remember that when one door closes, another opens...a better door. God will not disappoint.
    Hang in there!

  27. I'm with trash...is this legal? Of course vending will be much more fun!


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