Tuesday, February 9, 2010

In God We Trust

Do you see that word above?

The one in big Scrabble tiles?

That's what I need right now.
I need to trust.

I was just notified that I have been terminated
from my position in the ER due to my health.
This sucks....big time.
Nursing is the only thing that I have ever wanted to do
since I was a child.
I believe it is my calling.
So, to not only lose my position
but not know if I can work in my position again really hurts.

I believe that God has a bigger plan for me
but I need to trust him.
I am very scared and extremely hurt.
I've worked my whole life in nursing.
So now what do I do?

Mr. M tells me to stop crying because it will be okay.
I don't know how to stop.
I'm mad.
I don't want to be sick anymore.
I want my life back.

I can't even read what I'm typing for the tears and snot running down my face.
I'm just that hurt.

I know that as a Christian, I'm supposed to have an accepting spirit.
Please forgive me if I don't have one right now....

I'm still human..
I'm still a young woman...

I still have a husband and children
who I can no longer care for.
I still want to laugh and run and play
and provide for my family.

I don't want to be stared at anymore
or hear whispers when I limp by.
I want to be able to go  and spend timewith my friends and family
instead of laying on my couch because I'm too weak.

I want to see my daughter sing at school
and not just hear her through the phone
because I am in so much pain.

I want to care for people
and not be cared for.

But I have to trust HIM.
I know that  God has a plan for me
and I need to trust that His will is the best.

I'm sorry for this bummy post.
I just needed to vent.

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