Monday, November 23, 2009

Facing the Storm

I feel like this little bird.
Small, insignificant and alone.

This week has been very hard for me.
It is one of the roughest moments in my life to date.
I thought very long and hard about sharing my situation
with anyone outside of my immediate family and my dearest friend.
I have prayed even harder.

For the last month, I have not felt so hot.
I have this low grade constant fever with no other symptoms
except bone pain in my right thigh...deep bone pain.

I saw a doctor who told me I had the flu?
Not likely......I don't have a single symptom of the flu.

I was seen in the Emergency room because my pain was excruciating
and I felt like "what the owl left on the limb."
I was told I was severely dehydrated.

Not possible.....I eat and drink okay
(my appetite sucks lately...but not that bad.)

I returned to Houston to see my doctor.
She did an xray.
I have a lesion on my femur.
We do more tests...
It's a tumor of some sort...cancer most certain.
I don't know what type of cancer it is or if it's even the primary tumor.
(I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2005....been okay

I shared my situation with Adrienne of The Flying Bee yesterday
when we were shopping together.
She encouraged me to share my story with ya'll.
Because Adrienne says that I'm in need of prayer
 and that there are so many people who would want to lift me up in prayer.

I have many reservations about sharing my ordeal.
I'm not big on people doting on me.

I'm very open about my life in regards to alot of things except things that are dead serious.
Then, I'm like an old dog..I want to go under the house and be left alone.

The Divine Mr. M is trying to be a trooper.
He feels that it's not fair..maybe it's not but it is what it is.
There have been many tears shed this week and lots of kisses on the forehead.
My family has rallied around me and have offered so much love that I am grateful
but I still feel like that bird.

No one truly knows my pain...or my fears that I have.
There has been talk of amputation....

(which has been followed by jokes of making my prosthesis into a table lamp...
like on A Christmas Story.)

These are the friends and family that I have...gotta love did make me laugh though!

As a nurse who used to be on an oncology floor, I know all of the possible outcomes.
90% of those terrify me.

I am not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me....please don't because I don't feel sorry for me.
I just had to share what's been weighing my heart down.

I hope to continue to keep sharing my ideas and inspirations with all of you
as ya'll keep me sane and have given my life a change for the better.

I don't know what the Lord has in store for one does.
It was once said that each burden is a blessing.....I sure hope that's true.

I'm just going to be like that little bird.
I'm gonna hold on and face the storm.

I hope that ya'll will understand
and if anyone wants to volunteer
to hold up my branch for me...thank you.

O Tannenbaum

I have a love for christmas trees.
There was nothing more magical to me
at Christmas than when my mama drug
out her 7 1/2 foot tree and
boxes upon boxes of ornaments.

My mama never did a hodge podge tree.
Each year her christmas tree was decked out
in wonderful color combinations
with coordinating ornaments and lights.

My sister and I would sit and watch her decorate with much ferver.
I will never forget the christmas when she said my sis and I could help decorate.
I will also never forget how mad she was when I broke one of her
really nice and pricey ornaments that she had.
(to see my mama not all.)

My sister and I would stand in front of the tree
in all of its christmas splendor and sing to it.

 "Oh Christmas Treeee, Oh Christmas Treeee,
Oh Christmas Treeeee, Oh Christmas Treeeee....."

We could belt out every single note of that song...with the only three words we knew.
My love for gorgeous trees has not subsided...not even a little bit.
This year will not be any different.

I've donned my tree in its Christmas finest.
With succulent golds, warm browns, and gorgeous silver.
I've also incorporated some of my junky goodness as well.

These door knob plates once guarded the doors
to my great grandmother's home.
They remind me of so many memories and christmases (is that a word?) that have past.

I can't imagine a single Christmas without the
rememberance of angels who sang the first carol.

The natural beauty of the earth
to remind me that the Lord
had no wear to lay his head but in
a lowly manger.

I'm french ya know....couldn't let
my heritage go without being remembered.

This antique shaving brush
reminds me so much of my great-uncle Eugene.
My sister and I were simply fascinated
by watching him work up his own shaving cream
and shaving with a straight blade.
(I just kneeeeeew he was going to cut himself...he never did.)

This photo is so precious.
I reminds my spirit to keep day there will be rest.

Some clothespins that I antiqued.
They will soon hold old photos as
soon as the Divine Mr. M gets them out for me.
(Right Honey???)

My son's old teddy bear sits in an old baby walker
that was once my fathers
reminding me to always keep my inner child alive.

An old and broken pocketwatch
that reminds me that time is precious....enjoy it.

I have incorporated more items into my tree that
I didn't get pics of yet
like my tarnished silver sugar bowls
and mercury glass ornaments.

I have way more decorating and more trees to put up.
(surely you didn't think I would only do one tree?)

Keep checking back for more junky christmas ideas.

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