Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Don't Let The Cane Fool Ya

I know that many of you have been
wondering about the state of my condition.

Do ya see the picture above?
That's pretty much EXACTLY what
I look like nowadays.

I have my cane,
my insanely big purse
(because I can't hold cane, and purse, and cell phone, and umbrella anymore...)
my shoes, jacket and hat.
Subtract the hump in the back and I look

My leg is so weak
that it has a tendency to give out on me,
especially if I have to walk a good distance.

So was the case today.
I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items
for dinner.
It was pouring rain.
I got beat out by every little old lady
in this town for a grocery carryout.
them walked better than me.
I wheeled my own shopping cart outside...hobbling.

Insert teenage thug....
Black hair, skinny jeans and tattoo on the neck..
Got the picture?

Said thug runs up to me and offers
to carry my groceries to my car.
"No thank you.I got it."
"But you're, I'll help you."
"I limp everyday. I got it. No thank you."

This is where said thug makes
his biggest mistake.....

This boy tries to snatch my purse from the grocery cart
and take off running.
I don't think so.

I introduced said thug to.....

He was trying to run and I was steady
beating him like he stole something...
Oh wait!!!
He was stealing something!!!
My purse!!!

Continue beating with my cane and cursing.

He's now on the ground clinging to my purse
and I fall right on top of him.
I am giving him the butt whoopin'
that his mama
apparently never gave him.

A sacker runs over to help me
and the thug runs off...
without my purse.

Everyone runs over to help me...
Where were ya'll before?
They offer to call the police.
No need...
I got my is good.
I finally get my carry out for my groceries.
I'm soaking wet and a little sore
but I'm fine.

I ASSURE you that said thug
is tending to his whelps
even as I type.

My mama was killing herself laughing.
The Divine Mr. M
is a nervous wreck.
My mother-in-law
asked me if I was scared.

I've raised a teenager
and have looked cancer in the face....
It would take alot more than
some little twit
to scare me.

I'm an ER nurse.
This is what I do.

Maybe he'll think reallll hard
before he tries to snatch a purse
from a little lady with a cane.

On another note:
I'm real slow moving these days
and my next stop was the post office to mail off all of my giveaways
but Mr. M was all wigged out
and asked me to stay home.

I promise you that everything will be mailed out next week.
I'm just moving a little slow now
and some days I don't move at all
but I'm getting back in the swing of things
and adjusting to my new way of doing things.

I hope that everyone has a
Happy New Year!!!!!!

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